ProcrastiBlog

I have been remiss in blogging Top Chef and Battlestar Galactica this year. Suffice it to say I'm watching and enjoying, but my ardor for both has somewhat dimmed.

Unlike previous seasons of Top Chef, I don't have a real rooting interest in any of the cheftestants this year. If I were forced to choose I would guess Richard is probably going to win (he's about as well-liked as Stephanie and more consistent). I—along with the rest of the world—loathe Lisa, but she's just kind of a bad trip, not really a boo-hiss, lie-to-your-face villain in the Tiffani/Omarosa mold. An interesting bit of data, for those Lisa-haters who suspect they are suffering from an irrational aversion to her attitude, looks, and posture: she has—by far—the worst record of any cheftestant to appear in a Top Chef finale (1 Elimination win, 1 place, no Quickfire wins; she has been up for elimination or on the losing team in the last seven consecutive episodes (!)). Incidentally, Richard (3 Elimination wins, 5 places, and 2 Quickfire wins) and Stephanie (4 Elimination wins, 5 places, and 1 Quickfire win) have by far the best records of any previous cheftestant, period. (In comparison, the previous three winners (Harold, Ilan, and Hung) had only 4 Elimination wins total.)

On the other side, BSG has been doing a lot of the mythical flim-flam (I don't really care where Earth is or whether they ever find it) and not so much of the intense post-9/11 fractured-mirror business that made the first three seasons so addictive. The characters have been getting pushed around the chessboard willy-nilly without much attention paid to consistency or plausibility (to wit: President Lee Adama), all in service of a presumed "mind-blowing" series finale (to arrive not before calendar year 2009, as I understand it) that I am quite certain will disappoint (I'm not going to be X-Files'ed ever again).

So there's your TV-blogging for the year. Back to work.

BSG: Razor is basically a very solid, two-part flashback episode in TV movie form. Admiral Cane is resurrected* for some Hot Lesbian Action and to dictate a torture memo** ("Pain, degradation, fear, shame... Be as creative as you feel the need to be"). Eighties vintage Cylons are resurrected for no apparent reason. New characters are introduced and then killed off with ruthless efficiency. There was a bit of the old, vague mytho-babble ("All of this has already happened... and will happen again") pointing towards the next season, which makes me terribly worried the show will end badly, in grand X-Files and/or Twin Peaks style.

It doesn't look like Razor is scheduled to re-air, if you missed it, but it will be out on DVD next week (in an annoyingly expanded version). Season 4 is scheduled to begin in March (or April?). Till then, work...

* Not in the "she's a Cylon" sense.

** Isn't it fun how "torture memo" is now a cultural reference?

Lots of juicy developments, most of which were so vague and ambiguous as to render analysis pointless. To summarize: there is some mystical connection between President Roslyn, Boomer, and Caprica Six which centers in some way on their connection to the human-Cylon baby, Hera; four principal cast members (well, two A-listers and two B-listers) become convinced that they are Cylons—four of the "final five"?—and it's just possible that the last unknown Cylon is either Bob Dylan or Jimi Hendrix; one of the new Cylons had a baby this season, so there is a second probable human-Cylon baby out there that nobody is having any apocalyptic visions about; and a certain supposedly dead Galactican is not dead, is a Cylon, or has transcended such issues in the Fourth Dimension (or else a certain ace pilot, defense attorney, and prodigal son is seeing things in much the same way that certain other people saw certain things before crossing over into a certain Fourth Dimension).

The only issue that's really worth chewing over here is the acquittal of one Gaius Baltar. It is fairly gratifying that the lack of accountability aboard Galactica I have noted a few times in the past was a significant plot point this week. Apollo's speech was fairly convincing in an emotional-impact kind of way, but I was surprised that it carried the day. It seems to me that the signed death warrant—on which Gaeta's perjured testimony could not be contradicted, except by Baltar and a few Cylons—was pretty much grounds for conviction by itself. (The irony being that Baltar can't really be held responsible for the death warrant.... but the jury didn't know that!) That said, it was very clever for the writers to push Baltar into a new situation, where his instinct for survival and skill at improvisation can serve him in new and possibly interesting ways.

Season 4 is scheduled for 2008 and "a special two-hour extended event" will air "fourth quarter 2007." What am I supposed to do till then? Work?

There be SPOILERS ahead.

File this one under: be careful what you wish for. Ballsiness aside, I have a feeling we'll be seeing Starbuck again in one form or another. Which will it be: Cylon, dream sequence, or creature of pure energy?

As much as I've enjoyed Katee Sackoff throughout the series (in those scenes where she wasn't making puppy-dog eyes at Apollo), I think I would prefer if the point of this episode was that Starbuck totally lost her mind and died for no reason, rather than following her spirit into the fourth dimension wherein she will fulfill her Destiny. I'm getting pretty tired of all this Destiny crap.

As H said to me last night, "So, remind me of what it is you like about this show again?" To which I respond... I think the last few episodes of last season and the first few episodes of this were some of the best that BSG has ever done. But ever since "The Exodus" from New Caprica, I feel as if the drama of the show has gone slack. I'm afraid we may have jumped the shark... Here's hoping for a rocking season finale.

P.S. Last week's episode, which barely merits comment, provided some new data for my ongoing research into discipline aboard Galactica: treason merits a slap on the wrist, fomenting a general strike will almost get your family shot.

Roslyn to Adama: "I'd love to turn you on."

BSG gives off the vibe of a show where the stakes are high, but the only semi-major characters who have ever died were Ellen Tigh and Kat.* This is getting pretty unbelievable... How many planets has Starbuck crashed and been abandoned on? Cally and Chief aren't even in fighting trim... they're supposed to survive explosive decompression with nothing more than a burst blood vessel?

I have no use for these bonus scenes. Cut it into the episode or put it on the DVD. I don't need your leftovers.

* The Sopranos benefits from the same perception and suffers from the same problem. You think nobody is off limits, but the only long-term character to die since Big Pussy was Adrianna. Characters like Ralph Cifaretto are blatantly brought on to get whacked---the only surprise in that case was how long it took and why it happened. Would it kill you to lose a Paulie Walnuts just to maintain some believability here?

I assume that in the last season, we can expect a little more blood to flow. Though I also assume, since the idea of a Sopranos movie has been knocked around, that we can expect Tony to survive.

I did not like this episode. Specifically:

1. In partial answer to Query the Second, it turns out treason and sabotage won't get you court-martialed, but it will get you busted down to administering a refugee camp in the basement.


The last thing in the world Helo needed was for his God complex to get a little boost. This episode would have been much more dramatically interesting if he had turned out to be wrong, if the stress of being the "man (who's not Baltar) who loves a Cylon" was making him paranoid and delusional. The episode could have gone in this direction right up to the last minutes, but opted for the pat, feel-good ending instead.


2. The Mystery Disease could have been handled in more dramatically interesting ways as well. As Matt Zoller Seitz suggests, if the disease had been incurable, this could have led to an interesting long-term arc that would mirror the AIDS epidemic. If the disease had been more virulent, the theme of public health vs. religious anti-medical conviction could have been developed further.



3. Where is the constituency that will rise up in insurrection if Baltar goes on trial? Baltar publicly collaborated with the Cylons in the enslavement of humankind. It's as if the writers just take it for granted "every event has a real-world parallel" (in this case, obviously, Saddam Hussein) without going to the effort of setting the parallels up properly: remember, guys, the Galacticans were the insurgency and Baltar was Ahmed Chalabi...



4. What's the deal with the titles, lately?

Yeah, this episode reminded me of "Cheers."

Despite its use of one of my great filmic pet peeves, the revelatory dream sequence, this was one of my favorite episodes in a long time. I have little patience for the "mythological" elements of the show (e.g., the Arrow of Apollo, the Eye of Jupiter, and the Quest for Earth) and this season has been thick with them. Consequently, there have been episodes this season (particularly 3.5, "Torn," the episode that took us inside a Cylon basestar for the first time, alongside Baltar) that bored me senseless. I think the show is strongest when it's dealing with the grim reality of its characters' situation, sucking in the bleakest realities of our modern age and remixing/re-contextualizing them in surprising and insightful ways. We got a bit of that this week, a little canon of coercive interrogation with an unexpected hint of MK-ULTRA, and the promise of more to come (does anybody think the trial of Gaius Baltar may contain a dash or two of Saddam Hussein?).

Query the First: Given that BSG has a habit of omitting key events in character's relationships until they become dramatically useful (e.g., the tryst between Apollo and Starbuck that occurred half a season before we got a hint of it) and given the odd and inappropriate snuggling between Laura Roslin and Admiral Adama in this and previous episodes (see 3.9, "Unfinished Business"), may I assume their relationship is sexual in nature?

Query the Second: In this season, we have: Helo sabotaging a plan that could have ended the human/Cylon war forever (3.7, "A Measure of Salvation"); Helo "delivering" Sharon to the Cylons, to whom she may have provided sensitive intelligence (3.11, "Rapture); and Gaeta stabbing a high-value detainee in the neck. Again, I ask: is there anything a person can do to get court-martialled on this ship?

Query the Third: Is it "court-martialled" or "court-martialed"? Google is inconclusive. Blogger doesn't like me verbing "martial".

A pretty strong start to the second half of the season, but... I'm losing track of which Cylons are which. And tell me: is there anything Helo could possibly do to get charged with treason? Anything at all?

P.S. If there's anyone in the world who actually checked out Battlestar Galactica this season on my recommendation, I apologize. I mean, did you understand a single word?

Wow, that was a good picture. Towards the end, it has what may be one of the most suspenseful sequences I've ever seen in a movie: what feels like (but isn't) one long hand-held shot of Clive Owen moving step-by-step through Hell on Earth, trying not to get brained or eviscerated just long enough to make sure Humanity's Last Glimmer of Hope* isn't lost forever---a sequence which will tie your guts up in knots only to have them unravel for Spoiler-Free reasons immediately thereafter. All of which, naturally, brought to mind the wise words of William Adama:

Why are we as a people worth saving? We still commit murder because of greed and spite and jealousy, and we still visit all of our sins upon our children. We refuse to accept the responsibility for anything we've done... Sooner or later, the day comes when you can't hide from the things that you've done anymore.

Maybe people this sad, sorry, venal, and fucked-up (you know, people like us) just aren't fit to survive?

* One interesting thing about this movie is that the MacGuffin** is not Humanity's Only Salvation, but merely its Last Glimmer of Hope. This is not exactly a hopeful movie---it posits that the entire world irretrievably goes down the crapper sometime around 2008. Which is pretty ballsy pessimism and, sadly enough, seems about right.

** It occurs to me that the term MacGuffin is not applicable here as the precise nature of humanity's Last Glimmer of Hope is quite directly relevant to the plot of this motion picture. I rule this observation inadmissible on the grounds that debating what is or is not a MacGuffin is both my and Alfred Hitchcock's least favorite conversation ever.

This post is all about the SPOILERS.

Seems like every plot development of Season 2 has been washed away: the Pegasus is gone, Laura Roslyn is president once again, the Cylon/human baby is a Cylon/human baby, and New Caprica is the new Old Caprica. Everybody's back on the Galactica, in search of a place called... wait a sec, nobody's talking about Earth anymore. Whatever happened to the Arrow of Apollo?

Random thoughts:

• I don't like how Tigh handled that situation. If there's one thing I learned from Army of Shadows, it's that traitors want to be killed, and publicly. I expected to either see Old Testament Saul wring Ellen's neck with his bare hands (which is what she deserved, after all, for being so damn annoying for so damn long) or for him to say, "I know what needs to be done, but I can't do it myself" (see: Christopher Moltisanti in re Adrianna La Cerva).


• Shorter Gaeta to Baltar: "All logic and emotion [ed: ah, heck, this is the Sci Fi Channel... all Spock and McCoy] are telling me to shoot you in the face, but somewhere I hear some writer's screaming, 'Don't do it! He's a principal and a fan favorite!'..." Although, I have to say I admire how the writers have made my sympathize with Baltar who is, in his own selfish and fundamentally flawed way, trying to do what he thinks is best (at least since after he handed a nuke over to the Cylon infiltrator...).


• Starbuck: I told you so! I told you so! I told you so! Still, and yet, if the Cylons had just thought to change the brat's name, Starbuck could have said, "I'm sorry lady, you've got the wrong kid." (Is the moppet a mute?)


• Will D'Anna (stupid sci fi name) be transformed by her love into an annoying simp?


• Don't you think Adama seemed a little overly chipper to be back on the run in the far reaches of outer space? See you later, 'stache!


• We didn't pull out of Iraq; Iraq pulled out of us!

NOTE: The episode number is accurate. The two-hour season premiere officially counted as two episodes.

So, let me see: the Cylons were drawn to New Caprica by evidence of nuclear weaponry; the decided to invade and occupy in order to help improve the humans way of life; are surprised by a committed and fierce resistance, getting trapped in a cycle of increasing violence and repression; recruit and train native police who are put to use as death squads, while the insurgency decides to experiment with suicide bombings targetting "collaborators"...

Nope, doesn't sound familiar at all.

The situation for the humans of the 12 Colonies continues to be bleak. Can Starbuck be stupid enough to actually fall for that cloying little moppet? (I thought she was working up the courage to snap the kid's neck when the "accident" happened.) Will Apollo go low-carb or low-fat? Will Adama shave off that damn moustache? How will Roslin manage to survive a Centurion firing squad? (Or will BG suddenly become a show where major characters can die? (Billy doesn't count. Billy was lame.)) What is the game plan here, Cylons? And, hey, Caprica Six, are you sure that sweaty, small little man is the object of your transcendent love?

[UPDATE 10/8/2006] Expert commentary here and here. A chat with the creators and cast here.

Go forth and watch it. I beg you. 9 PM EST on the Sci Fi Channel. Check your local listings. If you don't believe me, there's a fairly convincing case towards the end of this post, written by a real honest-to-god professional.

Don't let the channel scare you: there's almost no science in this fiction, really none in the "if we reverse the polarity of the positrons we can inhibit the valence of their gamma ray field!" vein. Yes, it is set in space. But here's what it's really about: a human race on the brink of extinction, making hard choices, and being scared out of their fucking minds. Go watch! Good good good!

[UPDATE 10/6/2006] There's an official primer. Season 2 marathon all day today on Sci Fi. "The Story So Far" airs at 5 PM. All previous seasons are available on DVD.

You have no excuse! Only your milquetoast aversion to high quality television!